⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you⚠️ Due to unprecedented demand, dates with Your Future Ex are currently waitlisted  •  No exceptions  •  Yes, even you
Your Future Ex, allegedly● VERIFIED*

Reserve Your Date™

Your Future Ex is currently dating at capacity. Secure your spot in the official queue.

Live queue
—
people currently waiting
3–5
business months est. wait
0
dates guaranteed
100%
not desperate

Join the waitlist

Takes 30 seconds. Faster than he replies.

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⚖️ Legally binding — read carefullyPlease sign to verify that your height & weight are correct. By signing, you stipulate that any falsification of these numbers constitutes Queue Fraud™ and that you accept full legal responsibility for all costs incurred on behalf of dating you — including but not limited to dinners, valet, surprise flowers, and any resulting therapy — which you will be required to reimburse in full, with interest, compounding daily until you admit you were the problem. No refunds, no closure, no "we can still be friends." This signature holds up in court, in therapy, and in your situationship's group chat.

Things you're intopick all that apply, we don't judge (we do)
How toxic can we be?5/10
“We argue in the middle of IKEA”

Psst — applications rated 7+ get priority review. Just saying.

By joining you agree to wait indefinitely and pretend this is normal. Your info goes to exactly one (1) man.

Frequently asked questions

Can I skip the line?

Queue positions are final. However, the toxicity board reviews exceptional applications on a rolling basis. Chaos is a merit system.

How long is the wait?

He can physically fit one (1) date per 2–4 business days, plus a bonus date every other weekend. At current queue volume the math works out to 3–5 business months. Wait times may increase during cuffing season.

Is this a real waitlist?

The demand is real. The spreadsheet is real. The delusion is load-bearing.

What happens when it's my turn?

You'll receive a text. Do not call. He gets nervous.

Can I get a refund?

Joining the waitlist is free. The emotional damage is complimentary.